nice article from a great friend...

Unconditional Love (Starting With You)
  By : Kathy Brandt
  

Gay Hendricks says in The Learning to Love yourself Workbook? Humans tend to
demand from others what we are most unwilling to give.

Isn't that funny. We expect and demand someone to give us what we are not
willing to give. Unconditional love. If we expect that from someone to make us
feel safe and loved, wanted and desired, don't we have to understand what it
is? Don't we have to feel it for ourselves before we can accept or expect
anyone else to give it to us? Unconditional love: loving without limitations,
conditions, or reservations. If we don't provide that for ourselves, what is
our point of reference to measure the love that is to fulfill our lives. How
would we know what we are searching for or what we expect someone to give to
us? How do we express to someone what we need?

In order to know that there is such a kind of love, we had to have read it
somewhere, seen it in a movie or somewhere, sometime, someone showed us a
glimpse of it. Right? Wrong. We were born knowing unconditional love. It is a
gift, a birthright given to us from the very beginning. It's the conditioning
once our souls take on the human form that limits our belief in unconditional
love. It's erased and replaced by conditioned thoughts of the world. We learn
our actions cause reactions. We learn that we are either good or bad. We learn
What is acceptable and what is not. That becomes our point of reference,
removing us far away from what we were born with. After time and experiences it
almost seems hopeless to return.

It is true that seeing glimpses of it in movies and books confirms in our
hearts that it does exist. We are told that it is only fantasy. That it is the
fantasy we are craving. Not true. Our spirit is craving what we knew from the
beginning.

We need to take the time to find out what unconditional love?is for ourselves
instead of Depending on someone to do it for us. If we aren't clear on what it
is how will our needs and desires get met? We expect someone to give us
something but we aren't clear as to what that something?is. Following that
path, we will always be disappointed. We will always place people in position
to let us down; all the while they have no idea what we are expecting from
them. If we are unable to express our need in a clear manner there will be no
one that will understand. If it is not clear to us it certainly will not be
clear to them.

Finding your true unconditional love means finding the true you. When was the
last time you really focused on finding out who you really are? So in reading
this, the answer sounds easy but how do you begin? Where do you start to begin
this path of finding unconditional love?

You must work through painful experiences that create anger or bitterness in
you. Why did it happen? What was the lesson to be learned in it? Be grateful
for the people that were put in your path to help you with that lesson, rather
than resenting them for hurting you. It is absolutely impossible to
unconditionally love yourself if you harbor bitterness, anger, guilt or any
other feelings that are not love.
When looking through your looking glass? you see things as you have been
conditioned to see them. That woman smashed into the back of your new car
because you feel you don't deserve to have a new car. The kids are disobeying
you because they don't care about you. Your partner is angry because you blame
them for things and it's not their fault. It's all bad luck; if it weren't for
bad luck you'd have no luck. Hear that before?

It's how you look at the lessons that will make your journey easy or difficult.
Clean off your looking glass?and let's get started.

Focus on who you are. Write down all the qualities you know about yourself.
For example; (You love helping people, You love working with children, You are
creative and so on.) Write them down so you can actually see the wonderful
qualities about yourself that you know are there.

Practice speaking out loud all of the things you deserve. You deserve that
new car, you deserve people to respect you, and you deserve unconditional love.
This is called affirmation. When your subconscious hears the words it starts to
believe them. But you must do the work because no one will do it for you. You
are in charge.

Find a way to return to times and places that bring up resentful, fearful
feelings where your needs were not getting met. If you don't feel like you can
do it alone, find a coach?or therapist, or a friend that will help you feel
safe and loved during the times of recalling these events. Talk about them. Get
honest, healthy, and safe feed back. Your ultimate idea of a bounce back
partner is your life partner who is in your life to help you grow and heal
these areas. The idea here is to recall them, feel them (pain and all), and
then release them, let go to open up another room for unconditional love.

Recalling the event or person will give you a starting point. Recall the people
involved, recall how you felt, and what should have happened instead to meet
your needs. How would you handle it today, knowing that you deserve to get your
needs met, knowing that you deserve unconditional love, and knowing that in
order to receive unconditional love you need to give it.

Feel the pain that the event and people caused you. Go deep inside, feel the
anger, feel the hurt, feel the rejection, feel the disapproval, feel how alone
you were at that moment in your life. Cry.Cry. Cry. And when you are through
crying all of the tears you have over it, think for a moment how that situation
would be handled today, knowing that you deserve to get your needs met, knowing
you deserve unconditional love, and knowing in order to receive unconditional
love you need to give it.

And finally, release the past, release the pain, and forgive. Forgive means to
stop being angry about or resentful against, to relieve from payment of. To
relieve from payment of the past is the step that will bring you to
unconditional love. The world owes you nothing. You were born deserving it, so
was everyone else. We are here on our journeys to help each other heal.

Learning how to love yourself unconditionally., creating your dream love by
being clear on what you are looking for and be sure that you are able to
provide that for yourself before expecting someone to provide it for you, thats
where you will find unconditional love

Dongeng dari seberang...

Kemujuran atau Kemalangan?

Ada sebuah cerita Cina kuno tentang
seorang laki-laki tua yang sikapnya
dalam memandang kehidupan berbeda sama
sekali dengan orang-orang lain di desanya.

Rupanya laki-laki tua ini hanya
mempunyai seekor kuda, dan pada suatu
hari kudanya kabur. Para tetangganya
datang dan menaruh belas kasihan
kepadanya, mengatakan kepadanya betapa
mereka ikut sedih karena kemalangan yang
menimpanya.

Jawabannya membuat mereka heran.

"Tapi bagaimana kalian tahu itu
kemalangan?" dia bertanya.

Beberapa hari kemudian kudanya pulang,
dan ikut bersamanya dua ekor kuda liar.
Sekarang si laki-laki tua punya tiga
ekor kuda. Kali ini,
tetangga-tetangganya mengucapkan selamat
atas kemujurannya.

"Tapi bagaimana kalian tahu itu
kemujuran?" dia menjawab.

Pada hari berikutnya, sementara sedang
berusaha menjinakkan salah seekor kuda
liar, anak laki-lakinya jatuh dan
kakinya patah.

Sekali lagi, para tetangga datang, kali
ini untuk menghibur si laki-laki tua
karena kecelakaan yang menimpa anaknya.

"Tapi bagaimana kalian tahu itu
kemalangan?" dia bertanya.

Kali ini, semua tetangganya menarik
kesimpulan bahwa pikiran si tua kacau
dan tidak ingin lagi berurusan dengannya.

Walaupun demikian, keesokan harinya
penguasa perang datang ke desa dan
mengambil semua laki-laki yang sehat
untuk dibawa ke medan pertempuran.
Tetapi anak si laki-laki tua tidak ikut
diambil, sebab tubuhnya tidak sehat!


Kita semua akan menghayati kehidupan
yang lebih tenang kalau kita tidak
terlalu tergesa-gesa memberikan
penilaian kepada peristiwa yang tejadi.
Bahkan apa yang paling kita benci, dan
yang masih menimbulkan reaksi negatif
kalau terpikirkan oleh kita, mungkin
memainkan peranan positif dalam hidup kita

to fix me..

kalo aku.......

Kalau aku sudah berusaha,
Maka aku boleh sedikit mengeluh
kalau ada yang tak seperti harapan
Kalau sudah berusaha,
Aku boleh sekedar tidak sabaran
akan hasil yang tidak maksimal
Kalau aku telah berusaha keras, 
Bolehlah aku protes
atas apa yang kurang layak kudapatkan
Seandainya aku mau  berusaha 
Pantaslah aku punya alasan untuk menyesali
sesuatu yang lebih baik yang seharusnya dapat kuraih...
Seandainya aku telah...,sudah...
berusaha sangat-sangat keras...terus-menerus...
lagi dan lagi..dan lagi...dan lagi...lagi...
Barulah aku boleh memaki dunia 
Kalau belum, aku bukannya tidak bisa,
hanya saja tidak mau!

renungan dari pemakaman....

Hasrat Untuk Berubah

Kala aku muda dan bebas berkhayal,
aku ingin mengubah Dunia.
Sejalan dengan bertambah usia dan kearifanku, 
Kudapati duni tak kunjung berubah.

Maka cita-cita itu pun kupersempit,
dan kuputuskan untuk hanya mengubah negeriku, 
namun itu pun tampaknya tiada hasil.

Ketika usiaku semakin senja, 
dengan upaya terakhir penuh putus asa,
kuputuskan untuk mengubah keluargaku semata,
orang-orang terdekat denganku.
Tapi malangnya, mereka pun tak mau diubah.

Dan kini, saat terbaring menanti ajal,
tiba-tiba kusadari:

Andai yang pertama kuubah diriku sendiri
dengan menjadikan diriku teladan 
mungkin aku dapat mengubah keluarga.

Lalu berkat ilham dan dorongan mereka
aku pun mampu memberbaiki negeriku.
Dan siapa tahu, bahkan akupun dapat mengubah dunia.

Ditulis dan dicatat ulang Oleh: 
Om Hana Jumhana dari buah Karya
seorang Bishop Anglikan, 
pada tahun 1100 Masehi, tertulis di ruang
pemakaman Wesminster Abbey)

bagian tubuh yang paling berarti

Ibuku selalu bertanya padaku apa bagian tubuh yang paling penting.Bertahun-tahun, aku selalu menebak dengan jawaban yang aku anggap benar.

Ketika aku muda, aku pikir suara adalah yang paling penting bagi kita sebagai manusia, jadi aku jawab, "Telinga, Bu." Jawabnya, "Bukan. Banyak orang yang tuli. Tapi, teruslah memikirkannya dan aku menanyakanmu lagi nanti."

Beberapa tahun kemudian sebelum dia bertanya padaku lagi. Sejak jawaban pertama, kini aku yakin jawaban kali ini pasti benar. Jadi, kali ini aku memberitahukannya, "Bu, penglihatan sangat penting bagi semua orang, jadi pastilah mata kita."

Dia memandangku dan berkata, "Kamu belajar dengan cepat, tapi jawabanmu masih salah karena banyak orang yang buta."

Gagal lagi, aku meneruskan usahaku mencari jawaban baru dan dari tahun ke tahun, Ibu terus bertanya padaku beberapa kali dan jawaban dia selalu, "Bukan. Tapi, kamu makin pandai dari tahun ke tahun, anakku."

Akhirnya tahun lalu, kakekku meninggal. Semua keluarga sedih. Semua menangis. Bahkan, ayahku menangis. Aku sangat ingat itu karena itulah saat kedua kalinya aku melihatnya menangis. Ibuku memandangku ketika tiba giliranku untuk mengucapkan selamat tinggal pada kakek.

Dia bertanya padaku, "Apakah kamu sudah tahu apa bagian tubuh yang paling penting, sayang?"

Aku terkejut ketika Ibu bertanya pada saat seperti ini. Aku sering
berpikir, ini hanyalah permainan antara Ibu dan aku.

Ibu melihat kebingungan di wajahku dan memberitahuku, "Pertanyaan ini penting. Ini akan menunjukkan padamu apakah kamu sudah benar-benar "hidup". Untuk semua bagian tubuh yang kamu beritahu padaku dulu, aku selalu berkata kamu salah dan aku telah memberitahukan kamu kenapa. Tapi, hari ini adalah hari di mana kamu harus belajar pelajaran yang sangat penting."

Dia memandangku dengan wajah keibuan. Aku melihat matanya penuh dengan air mata. Dia berkata, "Sayangku, bagian tubuh yang paling penting adalah bahumu."

Aku bertanya, "Apakah karena fungsinya untuk menahan kepala?" Ibu membalas,"Bukan, tapi karena bahu dapat menahan kepala seorang teman atau orang yang kamu sayangin ketika mereka menangis. Kadang-kadang dalam hidup ini, semua orang perlu bahu untuk menangis. Aku cuma berharap, kamu punya cukup kasih sayang dan teman-teman agar kamu selalu punya bahu untuk menangis kapan pun kamu membutuhkannya."

Akhirnya, aku tahu, bagian tubuh yang paling penting adalah tidak menjadi orang yang mementingkan diri sendiri. Tapi, simpati terhadap penderitaan yang dialamin oleh orang lain. Orang akan melupakan apa yang kamu katakan... Orang akan melupakan apa yang kamu lakukan... Tapi, orang TIDAK akan pernah lupa bagaimana kamu membuat mereka berarti.

lagee beteee...